seventh step reflection

I'm in Al-Anon. A family group for those who either live with an alcoholic or grew up with alcoholics. I'm in the latter group. I think that if I drank(and I don't), I'd be a double winner, that is to say that I'd be in Alcoholics Anonymous as well. I am saving myself some time and agony, and just staying the hell away from alcohol. So much of what I hear in the rooms and in the Al-Anon literature (and what I have seen in my own life) keeps me away as well...the stories of children being raped by relatives, (and not realizing that all they had to do was to *say* something to break the vicious cycle of abuse), parents abusing each other, taking all the cash to buy booze, fighting, suicide attempts. So we, the children, learn to *try* to control something, because our lives are so out of control. We end up manipulating, mothering, controlling, and friendless, or close to it. What have I learned, in one sweeping nugget of wisdom, from Al-Anon? That God alone is in control. Do I have control over other members of my family? No. Who can I help the most? Me. 


I have reached the seventh step of twelve. That doesn't mean that I am DONE. Oh, noooooooo. For I am human, imperfect. So, it follows that God is not going to remove all my imperfections in a blinding flash. Instead, he is already working on removing defects in a symphony, a rhythm known only to Him, perfected just for me, so that I may learn life lessons from what is to follow, and from the brief glances in the rearview mirror of my life. I can savor the improvements that I see *with His inspiration*. I have "seen" this symphony, played out in a brief flash, during meditation one day while working on step 6. 

I will be working these steps for.the.rest.of.my.life. And not just because a priest said that I needed to do it, although I thank that priest wholeheartedly for my introduction to this spiritual path. Also, it is not because the program says that I need to work them. It is because I have seen what they are doing for me. The beautiful thing, the most beautiful thing of all, is that it doesn't interfere with my Faith, not one iota, instead, it strengthens it, and completes it. I am learning to love without fear, and to love those who don't think the same as I do, and indeed way differently than I do. I hope to see that I am leaving being judgmental behind for love and acceptance. This person is in this "place" for a reason, and I don't know everything, and ***I should ALWAYS assume the best of intentions, any time.*** (and what place am I in? Hmmmm?)

When ready, we say something like this: "My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen."